(Gotham City) Police
Commissioner Gordon reports the appearance of a black-cowled vigilante crime fighter who goes by the name of
"Batman." Citizens report that this
"caped crusader" has been seen in the
company of a younger assistant who goes by the name of
Robin a.k.a. the "Boy Wonder". Together,
this dynamic duo have foiled the evil plans of such
resident Gotham city no-goodnicks, as The Penguin, The
Joker, and Mr. Freeze. After capturing said criminals,
Batman and Robin delivered them up to authorities and
then drove away in a sleek black roadster, a "Batmobile"
if you will. At present the citizens of Gotham
apparently do not need to be concerned. According to a
report from Commissioner Gordon's office, "I
don't know who he is, but we need his help
desperately." Police Chief O'Hara concurred with
the closing comment "Saint's preserve us."
(Chicago,
IL) Al
Bundy, a shoe salesman from 9674 Jeopardy
Lane has been invited to return to the merry old land
of England - all expenses paid - to visit his family's
historical roots. Along for the trip is Al's wife Peg,
and their teenage children Kelly and Bud and the
Bundy's neighbor's Marcy and Steve Darcy. The
Villagers of Lower and Upper Uncton, who initiated the
trip, are especially awaiting the family's arrival. We
hear that a very special ceremony is planned for the
"male" members of the Bundy clan, but as
yet, the details have not been forthcoming.
(New York, NY) Chico Roselli, the son of Don Roselli was found murdered at his Staten Island home late last night. Police have been informed that a
recently paroled small time crook named Johnny Tenuti may be involved in the crime. According to Johnny's parole officer, Beverly Florio, who happens to be Johnny's ex-wife, Johnny was last seen traveling west in Winnebago that he procured from a senior citizen who died suspiciously on a fishing trip. Some sources claim that
Johnny is innocent of the crime and that he is being framed by his cousin Vinnie, the real murderer. Johnny is on the run because he fears retribution from the mob before he can find evidence to exonerate himself. Police
authorities know that Johnny is still alive because they have intercepted letters that were sent
to his mother, Ma Tenuti that let her know he is OK and the victim of a dirty frame up. Johnny is believed to
be going under the alias Johnny Bago (a named allegedly derived from the Winnebago RV he is driving). Trailer parks across the country are asked to be on the look out for Johnny or his RV and to report any
sightings to local authorities.
(San Pueblo, CA) The children of
local widow Shirley Partridge have formed a pop rock musical group called
"The Partridge
Family." Founded by enterprising ten-year-old Danny
Partridge, "The Partridge Family" plan to tour the
Southland to raise money for their mother. According to Reuben Kincaid, the group's pop rock manager, Shirley and her
children Keith, Laurie, Danny, Tracy and Chris will drive to their gigs in a psychedelically painted school bus. Reportedly, there is a sign on the back of the bus that reads: CAREFUL. NERVOUS MOTHER DRIVING. Their first engagement will be in Los Angeles, where they will appear with headliner Johnny Cash and sing their original
composition "Together."
