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TV Acres Newsletter - November 2001

Soon, it will be time for the over-consumption of food, belt-buckle loosening and family arguments brought on by annual Thanksgiving reunions. Therefore, it's only  appropriate to search  the archives and find some holiday humor to reflect the moment. So here goes. Gobble! Gobble!

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."   -- Jon Stewart, The Jon Stewart Show 

"That's not the Dolly Parton balloon...that's Dolly Parton!" --Top 10 Things Overheard at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade on Late Night With David Letterman.

"Let me tell you what I told my brother last Thanksgiving: give me my money back!" -- Bill McNeal, NewsRadio

"Five O'clock in the morning and I'm stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." -- Roseanne Conner, Roseanne

 [Excerpts from "Bart vs. Thanksgiving", The Simpsons]

Marge:  Mom! You made it! How are you?
Mrs. Bouvier: I have laryngitis and it hurts to talk, so I'll just say one thing: You never do anything right.


Lisa: Mmph. [ Bart muffles her with a cushion]
Homer: Bart! Stop fighting with your sister! 
Bart:  She took my glue!
Lisa: It's not yours, Bart. This is family glue!
Homer: Stop it, you two. This is Thanksgiving, so glue friendly or I'll take your glue away and then no one will have any glue to glue with.

"Ok, here's the Thanksgiving menu so far: apple pie, pumpkin pie, blueberry tart, and ice-cream roll. What am I missing? ...Cake! We need cake." -- Grace Adler, Will & Grace 

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!" -- Arthur Carlson, WKRP in Cincinnati

BONUS: (a trivia nugget about Chandler Bing from Friends)

Chandler's parents divorced when he was nine, and they told him about their impending divorce while he had a mouthful of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving dinner. This is why he no longer enjoys Thanksgiving -- it's too tragically grim. 

Now, Chandler's preferred Thanksgiving meal is tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches and a large bag of Funions.

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