Friends Do's & Dont's - On the episode "The One with the Thumb" on the sitcom FRIENDS/NBC/1994-2004, Rachel Greene (Jennifer Aniston) received a lesson on dating from her more informed friends Monica Geller (Courtney Cox), Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc), Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) and Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow). The group concluded: "We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked"; "It's not you" means "It Is you"; "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you." and "I think we should see other people" translated to "Ha, ha...I already am." At the conclusion of their conversation Rachel says "And Everybody knows this?" "Oh yeah," replied Joey "It cushions the blow." Joey also advised his friend Chandler "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, Just stop calling." Once Monica said "Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex." Her friend Chandler responded: "Sounds like a date to me." Monica, in a fit of low self esteem lamented "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?" 

Olive's Relationship Caveats - On the sitcom VERONICA'S CLOSET/NBC/1997-2000 Olive Massery (Kathy Najimy), a senior merchandising executive for the lingerie business Veronica's Closet mentioned some things single women do not want to hear: They are: 

1.	You know those plans we had tonight? Well I'm blowing you off because I met this guy.
2.	I met this guy, so I won't be hanging out with you tonight.
3.	There's this really cute guy and so I don't think...

 

Seinfeld Dating Rules - On the sitcom SEINFELD/NBC/1990-98 standup comic Jerry Seinfeld explained his philosophy on dating and relationships. On episode No. 28 "The Alternate Side" he qualified seven dates for a face-to-face breakup. On episode No. 106 "The Postponement" he stated the best feature of a heavy relationship is "Make up sex-topped only by conjugal-visit sex. And on episode No. 34 "The Boyfriend" he revealed the biggest step in a male relationship is helping a guy move-"It's like going all the way." According to Jerry's friend Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) on episode No. 57 "The Implant,"  attending a funeral of a girlfriend's loved one is like "10 dates in one shot." In regards to personal relationships Jerry Seinfeld offered these samples of the four worst words in the English language. They were: "We have to talk"; and "Who's bra is this?"

1)	No phone calls the next day.
2)	Spending the night is optional.
3)	No kissing goodbye.

On episode No. 27 "The Stranded" of the sitcom SEINFELD/NBC/1990-98 fans of the program were introduced to "The Male Code," a proposed a set of rules by which men should conduct themselves. One of the rules stated that if two men go to a party and one gets lucky, he is under no obligation to drive his friend home. George Costanza (Jason Alexander) had no problem following this rule when he decided to leave a Long Island party with the beautiful Ava (Teri Austin), even though it meant leaving behind his two friends Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) and Elaine Benes (Julia-Louis Dreyfus). On another occasion Jerry and Elaine, were just plain horny. But to make sure their interlude of physical abandon didn't destroy their friendship they agreed to the following rules:

Weird Science Love Tips - The sci-fi comedy WEIRD SCIENCE/USA/1994-97 starred two nerdy teenagers who possessed a beautiful computer generated genie named Lisa (Vanessa Angel) who guided her two young masters through their emotional and sexual development. At first Gary (John Mallory Asher) and Wyatt (Michael Manasseri) didn't believe that Lisa understood sex. Lisa assured them she did. "Love is making out on the hood of a Dodge Viper. Love is getting right to sex without having to talk first. Love is doing it in your parent's bed while they're at work." "Son of a gun," said Gary, "She does know" ("Fatal Lisa" 5/21/94) When Gary goes to sex ed class he ponders its mysteries and learns the answers to such questions "Are you allowed to talk during it? Do you always finish at the same time? Does size really matter? What's the deal with green M&Ms? and What is the shelf life of edible panties? ("Sex Ed" 6/4/94). On another episode ("Puppet Love" 1/20/96) Gary reveals "Cyber-dating's cool. No risk. No rejection. No watching their faces drop when they finally see me with my shirt off." Wyatt's psychotic older brother Chett (Lee Tergesen) once shared his philosophy on attracting the opposite sex (episode "Feminine Mistake" 4/9/94). "I have found that women respond to flattery. For instance, I'm driving in my Jeep, I see something I like, I roll down the window and offer up a compliment, like: 'Nice butt! Or, 'I'd pay good money for a girl like you.' Makes 'em feel sexy. It's all part of that little game they call romance." 

Ways & Means - On the 2/27/97 episode of SUDDENLY SUSAN/NBC/1996-99 Brooke Shields as Susan and Kathy Griffin as Vicki work on a magazine article entitled "Ways & Means", that parodied The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (1996) and the sequel The Rules II (1997) self help books written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that instructed single women on relationship protocols when dating men (for example, women should be quiet, look pretty and dress in bright colors to attract men). Susan and Vicki created such rules as "Bring a banjo on a date to create a mood."    

"We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. First of all, this is not a real date. It's a 'non-date'. Second, no one must ever know about this 'non-date'. Third, if you touch me at any time, the 'non-date' is over."

--Laura, Family Matters

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