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 Advertising Mascots - People

The Federal Express Fast-TalkerFederal Express Fast-Talker - In 1982, Joe Sedelmaier from the Ally & Gargano ad agency created a sixty-second TV commercial that was "absolutely, positively" one of the best commercials ever created. The spot called "Fast Paced World" featured the fast-talking (450+ words per minute) John Moschitta, Jr. as Mr. Spleen, an executive speed-talking his way through the day at lunch, hiring an employee, conducting a board meeting, and consummating a business deal on the phone. An excerpt of a fast-paced telephone conversation filled with nonstop alliteration follows:

"Peter you did a bang up job I'm putting you in charge of Pittsburgh, Peter. I know it's perfect Peter that's why I picked Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh's perfect, Peter. May I call you Pete" Dick what's the deal with the deal? Are we dealing? We're dealing. Dave it's a deal with Don, Dork and Dick, Dork it's a deal with Don, Dave and Dick...gotta go, disconnecting..."

Near the end of this exhausting business exchange a confident slower talking announcer interjected "In this fast moving high pressure, get-it done yesterday world...Aren't you glad there's a company that can keep up with it all?" The commercial concluded with the Federal Express slogan "When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight." (tagline created in 1979).

The Ally & Gargano Agency first saw John Moschitta, Jr. on an installment of the ABC TV series THAT'S INCREDIBLE! and went on to produce more than 80 commercials with him during the next few years.

According to Advertising Age magazine, the "Fast-Talker" campaign ranked No. 11 in the Top 100 Advertising Campaigns of the 20th century. John Moschita, Jr. marketed his fast-speak ability by creating a board game named "Motor Mouth" (sold in Europe as "Tongue Tangle").

Another memorable Federal Express spot was a classic 1977 commercial entitled "Pass it on" that followed the trail of an important package from the head of the company that carried with it the warning "If this package doesn't arrive in Peoria by tomorrow, it'll be your job." Passed down the corporate ladder from one supervisor to another, the package finally arrived in the hands of a mail boy who confidentially picked up the phone and said "Hello, Federal!"

The spot was written by Patrick Kelly (who wrote much of the Fast-Talking Guy dialogue) and Michael Tesch of the Ally Gargano agency. A spoof of Federal Express on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE advertised "Einstein Express-when it absolutely, positively has to be there the day before yesterday."


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