- Written under the pseudonym Raul Bloodworth, this Tom Clancy-esque
spy story was authored by an aspiring (but often rejected writer)
known as CGB Spender, aka
"The Cigarette-Smoking Man" (William B. Davis), a sinister
government agent on the sci-fi fantasy drama THE X-FILES/FOX/1993-2002.
On episode No. 79 "Musings of a Cigarette Man"
Pivotal Publications notifies CSM
(aka Bloodworth) that his story "Take a Chance: A Jack Colquitt
Adventure" dealing with alien assassinations was to serialized
beginning in the November 12, 1996, in Roman A'Clef
Unfortunately, when the Smoking Man reads a copy
of the magazine that he purchased from a street vendor, he
realizes that his original story ending has been altered ("This
isn't the ending that I wrote. It's all wrong"). Disappointed, he sits down and
delivers an unhappy little monologue before returning to
his life in covert ops.
"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap,
thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.
Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of
chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint
crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else
left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup
or an English toffee but they're gone too fast and taste is
fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits of hardened
jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. If you're desperate enough to
eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless
brown paper wrappers." -- CSM sitting next to a homeless man
eating chocolates from a box he found in the trash.
Snipets of Story Text
"Jack Colquitt, sat alone in his apartment at
Christmas. He believed in sacrifice...Yet, some nights, he
longed for a second chance..." [CSM's own life mirrored in the
words of his spy story]
"I can kill you whenever I please... but not
today." [A direct quote from the novel "Take A Chance: A Jack
Colquitt Adventure" by Raul Bloodworth - CSM later spoke these
words as he looked through the sights of a sniper rifle at Frohike, one
of the "Lone Gunmen" who had read the Jack Colquitt story and
theorized that Jack Colquitt was, in fact, Cancer Man in a
Rejection letter from Montgomery & Glick
- Note: some text from the letter is missing]
555 Brookabank Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20091
Dear Mr. Bloodworth,
I have recently had the unhappy
and reading your manuscript: TAKE A CHAN ADVENTURE.
My advice? Burn it! It stunk like
floor. That, Mr. Bloodworth, is ca
do well not to litter your next man
In addition, I felt the plot of TAKE A CHANCE to be
preposterous, the characters unbelievable, the ending lame and
the writing, frankly, crap. Needless to say, Montgomery & Glick
Please, DO NOT send this piece of trash to another publishing
Acceptance letter from Pivotal Publishing.
555 Brookabank Ave. Apt. 24
Washington, D.C. 20091
Dear Mr. Bloodworth,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for TAKE A CHANCE: A JACK
Wow! I loved it. It's perfect for adventure angle. Such
characters death! You are definitely on the adventure.
Please call me as soon as you reached at (212) 555-0127.
CSM phone conversation with Publisher
||Um, uh, Walden
||Oh, Mister Roth,
hello. Um, this is Raul Bloodworth, uh, author of "Second
Chance: A Jack Colquitt Adventure."
||Yes, of course,
Mister Bloodworth. What an active imagination you have...
||Is it too much?
Uh, I mean, is my imagination too active?
||No, no, I love
it. Now, as I've expressed in the letter, I wish to
serialize your novel in my publication "Roman a Clef."
Many outstanding authors received their first printing in
Um, I had an idea about the artwork. Uh, um, I thought it
could have a sort of Tom Clancy-ish kind of look, and, and
that's, that's why we work with young writers, but I'll be
honest, however. You'll have to relinquish some control.
||Of course. Of
course. (CSM doesn't sound happy about that.)
||After all, it is
our publication and I can assure you we'll handle it with
the utmost respect.
||No, no, no. I,
I, I, I, I, I'm sure you will. I'm just excited.
Uh, do you have an agent or attorney?
It's a minimum agreement of twenty-five hundred dollars,
and you'll save yourself ten percent.
fine, that's fine. Any, anything. When do you plan to
publish the story.
||"Roman a Clef."
It'll be on newsstands the morning of November twelfth.
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