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TV Acres Newsletter

Classic Quotes - April 2002

Fun Quotes from Random TV characters
 

Gloria: Do you know that sixty percent of all deaths in America are caused by guns?!
Archie:

Would it make you feel any better if dey was pushed out of windows?
 --All in the Family

 

Diane: Oh no! The thing I feared most has happened!
Carla: What? Your Living Bra died of boredom?
--Cheers

 

Alex Rieger:

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don't have to worry about being fired from a good job. 
 --Taxi  

 

Uncle Jed:

"If brains was lard, Jethro couldn't grease a pan."
 --The Beverly Hillbillies

 

Fred: Didn't you learn anything being my son? Who do you think I'm doing this all for?
Lamont: Yourself
Fred: Yeah, you learned something.
--Sanford and Son

 

Carlos Nieto

"Paint the rooms new colors, you'll never know. I once rented this place, husband had been murdered there. Wife took a shot gun to him. There was blood on the carpets, the walls, pellet holes...nobody would rent the place, so they lowered the price. I took one look at it, signed the lease, splattered it with some paint, steam cleaner, good as new."
  --Third Watch

 

Mark Devanow:

"Women need constant attention. Just talk to her. It doesn't matter what you say. Two-thirds of what I say to Fran, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about."
--Mad About You

 

Red Forman:

"Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass. Now fix it."
                                          --That 70s Show

:

Harm:

[to annoying reporter] You don't get it, do you? Those men lay it on the line every day. Some die--for this country--for you. If you can't support that, then you just back the hell off!!"
 --JAG

 

Holly the Computer:

We have been traveling through the galaxy now for three million years and there are many things we've discovered. The highest form of life in the universe is Man and the lowest is a man who works for the post office.
--Red Dwarf

 

Bill McNeal:

It's like my father used to say: "When I was a child I thought as a child and spoke as a child, but when I became a man I took that child out back and had him shot."
 --Newsradio

 

Laura Ingalls:

"Life sure was a lot easier when I didn't like boys."
 --Little House on the Prairie



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