Do you know that sixty
percent of all deaths in America are
caused by guns?!
Archie:
Would it
make you feel any better if dey was pushed
out of windows? --All in the Family
Diane:
Oh no! The thing I feared
most has happened!
Carla:
What? Your Living Bra died
of boredom? --Cheers
Alex Rieger:
One thing about being a
cabbie is that you don't have to worry
about being fired from a good job. --Taxi
Uncle Jed:
"If brains was lard, Jethro
couldn't grease a pan." --The Beverly Hillbillies
Fred:
Didn't you learn anything
being my son? Who do you think I'm doing
this all for?
Lamont:
Yourself
Fred:
Yeah, you learned
something.
--Sanford and Son
Carlos Nieto
"Paint the rooms new
colors, you'll never know. I once rented
this place, husband had been murdered
there. Wife took a shot gun to him.
There was blood on the carpets, the
walls, pellet holes...nobody would rent
the place, so they lowered the price. I
took one look at it, signed the lease,
splattered it with some paint, steam
cleaner, good as new." --Third Watch
Mark Devanow:
"Women need constant
attention. Just talk to her. It doesn't
matter what you say. Two-thirds of what
I say to Fran, I don't know what the
hell I'm talking about." --Mad About You
Red Forman:
"Son, you don't have bad
luck. The reason that bad things happen
to you is because you're a dumbass. Now
fix it." --That 70s Show
:
Harm:
[to annoying reporter]
You don't get it, do you? Those men lay
it on the line every day. Some die--for
this country--for you. If you can't
support that, then you just back the
hell off!!"
--JAG
Holly the Computer:
We have been traveling
through the galaxy now for three million
years and there are many things we've
discovered. The highest form of life in
the universe is Man and the lowest is a
man who works for the post office.
--Red Dwarf
Bill McNeal:
It's like my father used
to say: "When I was a child I thought as
a child and spoke as a child, but when I
became a man I took that child out back
and had him shot."
--Newsradio
Laura Ingalls:
"Life sure was a lot
easier when I didn't like boys." --Little
House on the Prairie
