(Cleveland, OH)
Parma resident Drew Carey,
the assistant director of Personnel for the
Winfred-Louder Department store recently won a contest
whose first prize was a choice of $250,000 or
ownership of the Batmobile. Drew refused the cash and
took the car. After a slight setback when Drew's goofy
friends Lewis and Oswald, stole the Batmobile to
cruise to the local mall dressed as Batman and Robin,
Drew took a test spin in his roadster. Unfortunately,
a few days later, Drew lost the right to own the
Batmobile because he inadvertently violated one of the
contract rules, namely "defiling the Batmobile.
" It appears that Drew and his girlfriend were
caught by the police parked in lover-lanes. Their
carrying-on "in a sexual manner"
inside the Batmobile violated a moral clause buried
within the contest contract that forbade such acts.
Revocation of ownership was swift.
(Newport, CT) Gladys Kravitz, the neighborhood
busybody, insists that there is something strange
going on at the Stephens' house. The Stephens, Darrin,
an ad executive and his wife, Samantha live across the
street from the Kravitzes at Morning Glory Circle. While
Gladys Kravitz claims foul play, her neighbor Samantha
is in total disagreement. "I don't know what
she's talking about. We're just your normal everyday
family. Nothing strange ever happens around here.
Witch's honor. I mean, Honest"
(Mayberry, NC) Otis Campbell, well known in town
for tipping back the bottle, has once again been
arrested for public intoxication. He has been given a
few hours in jail to sober up. Deputy Sheriff Barney
Fife, is disgusted at Otis' continual misbehavior and
the fact that he feels he can just check himself in
and out of the jail like it was some kind of hotel or
something. Sheriff Andy Taylor, on the other hand, just
hopes Otis can get himself clean and move on with his
life. In the meantime, Andy's Aunt Bea Taylor still
delivers an occasional chicken dinner basket to help
ease Otis' incarceration.
(Honolulu,HA) Weather reports relay the appearance
of tropical storm on the horizon. Boaters are warned
to return to their docks immediately. The Harbor
Master has advised all boats in the vicinity to take
extra care. Special effort has been taken to contact
Jonas Grumby, the skipper of the charter boat SS
Minnow. It apparently set sail on a three hour tour. I
repeat - a three hour tour. On board were
Industrialist, Thurston Howell the third, his wife,
Lovey Howell, a farm girl named Mary Ann, screen star
Ginger Grant, high school science teacher Professor
Roy Hinkley and ship's First mate Gilligan. Anyone
citing this vessel report your findings to jholst@tvacres.com.
Your tips and leads will be forwarded to the local
authorities.
