TV ACRES: Rules & Regulations > Ferengi Rules of Acquisition (Star Trek)

Rule 1:	Once you have their money, you never give it back.
Rule 2:	You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
Rule 3:	Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 4:	Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.
Rule 5:	If you can't break a contract, bend it.
Rule 6:	Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 7:	Keep your ears open.
Rule 8:	Keep count of your change.
Rule 9:	Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule 10:	A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one.
Rule 11:	Latinum isn't the only thing that shines.
Rule 12:	Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
Rule 13:	Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule 14:	Anything stolen is pure profit.
Rule 15:	Acting stupid is often smart.
Rule 16:	A deal is a deal (...until a better one comes along).
Rule 17:	A contract, is a contract, is a contract... but only between Ferengi.
Rule 18:	A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule 18:	Beware of relatives bearing gifts.
Rule 19:	Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 20:	There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 21:	Never place friendship before profit.
Rule 22:	A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule 23:	Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.
Rule 24:	Never ask when you can take.
Rule 25:	Fear makes a good business partner.
Rule 26:	The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.
Rule 27:	The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.
Rule 27:	There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 28:	Morality is always defined by those in power.
Rule 29:	When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying.
Rule 30:	Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.
Rule 31:	Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.... insult something he cares about instead.
Rule 32:	Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.
Rule 33:	It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule 34:	Compassion is no substitute for profit.
Rule 34:	War is good for business.
Rule 35:	Peace is good for business.
Rule 35:	You could afford your ship without your government--if it weren't for your government.
Rule 36:	Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.
Rule 37:	You can always buy back a lost reputation.
Rule 38:	Free advertising is cheap.
Rule 39:	Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers.
Rule 40:	She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
Rule 41:	Profit is its own reward.
Rule 42:	Only negotiate when you are certain to profit.
Rule 43:	Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
Rule 44:	Never argue with a loaded phaser.
Rule 45:	Profit has limits. Loss has none.
Rule 46:	Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.
Rule 47:	Don't trust a man wearing a suit better than your own.
Rule 48:	The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 49:	Old age and wisdom will always overcome youth and talent
Rule 50:	Never bluff a Klingon.
Rule 51:	Never admit a mistake if they're someone else to blame.
Rule 52:	Never ask when you can take.
Rule 52:	Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas.
Rule 53:	Sell first; ask questions later.
Rule 54:	Never buy anything you can't sell.
Rule 55:	Always sell at the highest possible profit.
Rule 56:	Pursue profit; women come later.
Rule 57:	Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
Rule 58:	Friendship is seldom cheap.
Rule 59:	Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule 60:	Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 60:	Never use credit where your words will do.
Rule 62:	The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule 63:	Power without profit is like a ship without an engine.
Rule 64:	Don't talk shop; talk shopping.
Rule 65:	Don't talk ship; talk shipping.
Rule 66:	Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it.
Rule 67:	Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve.
Rule 68:	War is good for business.
Rule 69:	Peace is good for business.
Rule 70:	Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
Rule 71:	Greed is eternal.
Rule 72:	Small print leads to large risk.
Rule 73:	Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.
Rule 74:	Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule 75:	Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
Rule 76:	Every once in a while, declare peace; it confuses the hell out of your enemy.
Rule 77:	A bargain usually isn't.
Rule 79:	There is no substitute for success.
Rule 81:	Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule 82:	The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule 85:	Never let the competition know what you're thinking
Rule 86:	Don't lie too soon after a promotion.
Rule 87:	When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.
Rule 88:	A friend in need is a customer in the making.
Rule 89:	Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
Rule 94:	Females and finances don't mix.
Rule 97:	Enough ... is never enough.
Rule 99:	Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100:	Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer.
Rule 101:	Never do something you can make someone do for you.
Rule 103:	Sleep can interfere with opportunity.
Rule 104:	Faith moves mountains of inventory.
Rule 104:	Money is never made. It is merely won or lost.
Rule 105:	Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.
Rule 106:	There is no honor in poverty
Rule 107:	A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule 108:	Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
Rule 109:	Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule 110:	Never sleep with the boss' wife unless you pay him first.
Rule 111:	Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them.
Rule 112:	Never have sex with the boss's sister.
Rule 113:	Always have sex with the boss.
Rule 114:	Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff.
Rule 116:	Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
Rule 117:	You can't free a fish from water
Rule 118:	Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 119:	Buy, sell, or get out of the way.
Rule 121:	Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 122:	Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum
Rule 123:	A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer.
Rule 138:	Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
Rule 139:	Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule 141:	Only fools pay retail.
Rule 144:	There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule 148:	Opportunity waits for no one.
Rule 153:	Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule 162:	Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule 163:	Rules are always subject to interpretation.
Rule 164:	Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's.
Rule 172:	If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
Rule 177:	Know your enemies...but do business with them always.
Rule 180:	Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
Rule 181:	Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule 188:	Never bet on a race you haven't fixed.
Rule 189:	Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing.
Rule 190:	Hear all; trust nothing.
Rule 192:	Never cheat a Klingon unless you're sure you can get away with it
Rule 194:	It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
Rule 202:	The justification for profit is profit.
Rule 203:	New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
Rule 208:	Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
Rule 211:	Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success -- don't hesitate to step on them.
Rule 214:	Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
Rule 215:	Instinct without opportunity is useless.
Rule 216:	Never gamble with an empath.
Rule 217:	You can't free a fish from water.
Rule 218:	Always know what you're buying.
Rule 219:	Possession is eleven-tenths of the law.
Rule 221:	Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes.
Rule 222:	Knowledge is power.
Rule 223:	Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
Rule 229:	Latinum lasts longer than lust.
Rule 236:	You can't buy fate.
Rule 239:	Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
Rule 242:	More is good...all is better.
Rule 255:	A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity.
Rule 261:	A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Rule 263:	Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
Rule 266:	When in doubt, lie.
Rule 281:	Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell.
Rule 282:	Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner.
Rule 283:	Rules are always subject to change.
Rule 284:	Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
Rule 285:	No good deed ever goes unpunished.
*Blocks in yellow are duplicate rules

TRIVIA NOTE: The Ferengi's also had a salvage code which stated that anything found abandoned was up for grabs. 'The Rules of Acquisition' were created by writer Ira Steven Behr.

For more information on the "Rules" read: "The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition" (Pocket Books, 1995) and "Legends of the Ferengi" (Pocket Books, 1997).