Space Corps Directives - Official rules and
regulations heard on the British sci-fi series RED DWARF/BBC/1988-1999.
Crew of the Red Dwarf
Throughout the series, the crew of the mining ship
Red Dwarf [Lister,
and Cat], the ship's computer
Holly and robot
Kryten mentioned particular
Directives designed to conduct business and behavior in outer space.
The first SCD was heard during the episode "Polymorph" when Kryten the robot
said "What about the Space Corps Directive which states, 'It is our primary
overriding duty to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever
possible, bring them home'?"
Space Corps Directives
SCD #003: By
joining Star Corps, each individual tacitly consents to give up his
inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.
Crew members are expressly forbidden from
leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be
issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from
issuing them except on production of a permit.
SCD #169: It's never said
what this directive says either but it's probably has something to do with a
sacrifice a holo-grammatic crew member has to take for the benefit of the rest
of the crew. Kryten reminds Rimmer of this directive when he's mad about the
"time-sharing" idea with Dr. Landstrom.
SCD #195: Clearly states
that in an emergency power situation, a holo-grammatic crew member must lay
down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.
SCD #349: Any officer found
to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life
form shall forfeit all pension rights.
SCD #592: In an emergency
situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be
granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.
SCD #595: Allows you to
keep people in Quarantine for a period of 3 months, however if the people can
use Space Corps Directive 699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no
trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.
SCD #597: One berth per
registered crew member
SCD #723: Terra-formers are
expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.
Work done by an officer's doppelganger (duplicate) in a parallel universe
cannot be claimed as overtime.
#1694: During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about
any crewmember whose timesheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before
he clocked on.
SCD # 1742:
'No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.
#1743: No registered vessel should attempt
to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.
SCD #5796: No officer
above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced
SCD #5797: (Possible
Crew Safety Ruling. Rimmer uses this directive to forbid Lister admittance
after he is suspected of being a Psiren).
SCD #7214: To preserve
morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First
Technician must, during Panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of
SCD #7713: The log must
be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission
data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that
senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the
corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.
No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.
#43872: Suntans will be worn during
off-duty hours only.
SCD # 196156:
Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's
gym will be discharged without trial.
#312 - Never explained. Here is episode
SCD #68250: (Rimmer misquotes a directive)
Kryten: What about
entertainment? You are obliged to provide us with minimum leisure facilities.
Games, literature, hobby activities, motion pictures.
Rimmer: And in accordance with Space Corps directive 312, you'll find in
the storage cupboard over there a chess set with 31 missing pieces, a knitting
magazine with a pull-out special on crocheted hats, a puzzle magazine with all
the crosswords completed and a video of the excellent cinematic treat,
"Wall-papering, Painting, and Stipling -- a DIY guide."
Rimmer: That's it I'm
invoking space corps directive 6_8_2_5_0
Kryten: 6_8_2_5_0? But sir, surely that's impossible without at least
one live chicken and a rabbi.
Rimmer: Forget it. Forget I was ever born.
Kryten: But sir, I'm very happy to perform the ceremony, but I'm
bewildered as to how sacrificing poultry will clear up the screen problem.
All Nations Agreements:
Rimmer: I've no idea who you are, but boarding this vessel is an act of
war, ergo, we surrender. And as prisoners of war I invoke the all nations
agreement article number 39436175880932/B.
Kryten: 39436175880932/B. All nations attending the conference are only
allocated one parking space. Is that entirely relevant sir. I mean here we
are, in mortal danger and you're worried about the Chinese delegates bringing
Rimmer: Can't you let just one go, I was talking about the right of
P-O-W's to non-violent constraint.
Kryten: But that's 75880932/C, sir.
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