Ten Commandments of Good TV Viewing - - The
following were created by the author of this website as spiritual guidance to
those channel-surfing through the troubled waters of television.
1) THOU SHALT always complain to the networks about bad programming. Unless
the viewers speaketh out, the networks won't puteth out. [Keep a post card
near your TV set or find their "Contact Us" link on the Internet and send any criticisms (or compliments) to the brains behind
2) THOU SHALT always have the Weekly TV Program Guide near your television set
to keep you informed of the "intricacies" of network viewing. [A sad note:
Sister Johnson of Peoria, Illinois threw a renewal subscription to her popular
weekly TV Program guide into the trash and was instantly struck blind.
Happily, her sight was restored when she touched her television set while
listening to a Sunday morning evangelism program. She now owns a lifetime
subscription. With the miracles of modern science Sister Johnson now gets her
TV information via the Internet at http://www.tvguide.com
3) THOU SHALT never miss an episode of ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT, the daily
insiders look at the entertainment industry. Blessed are the legs of Mary Hart.
4). THOU SHALT never get caught intercepting cable programming signals with an
illegal satellite dish. For those who dare...May the "Idiot Tube" be with you.
5) THOU SHALT never watch sports programming to the exclusion of all others.
[Those seeking help should read: "Hold On, Honey, I'll Take You To The Hospital
At Half-time: Confessions of a TV Sports Junkie" written by Norman Chad
(Atlantic Monthly Press, 1993)]
6). THOU SHALT never eat food and watch television at the same time. Why?
You'll eat too much and get fat, that's why! [Special dispensation has been give
to the brothers and sisters belonging to the order of the "Couch Potatoes"]
7) THOU SHALT not take the name of Johnny Carson in vain. For blessed is his
late night presence. [Though he retired in 1992, he will never be forgotten, but
will linger in our thoughts forever.]
8) THOU SHALT not covet thy neighbors video cassettes. The good book sayeth
"Neither a borrower nor a copyright infringer be."
9) THOU SHALT honor the memory of Benjamin Franklin, the patron saint of
electricity. For without his experiments with lightning, we would all be
watching television by candlelight. This is our silliest commandment.
10) THOU SHALT be wary of advertisers, for always there will be false prophets
crying "Buy Me!" in the vast wasteland of television. Wretched are the words