Holiday Armadillo - Fictional seasonal rodent featured on
the episode "The One with the Holiday Armadillo" (12/14/2000) on
the situation comedy FRIENDS/NBC/1994-2004. Actually, the Holiday
Armadillo is anthropology professor Ross Geller (David Schwimmer),
dressed in a rented costume. He wore the armadillo costume (the
only one left at the store) in an ill-conceived means of
introducing his young son, Ben (Cole Mitchell Sprouse) to his
Jewish heritage, namely Hanukkah. Being the Christmas season,
however, Ben thinks that because Santa Claus has not showed up
for Hanukkah, that the jolly old elf is mad at him.
In an attempt to assuage Ben's fears, Ross goes to a costume shop
to find a Santa costume so he can try to explain the whole
situation. But unfortunately, all the Santa Claus costumes are
rented. So, Ross returns in an Armadillo costume saying “I’m
the…Holiday Armadillo!!” with hope of getting Ben interested in
In the midst of all this, Chandler arrives dressed as Santa
Clause (wanting to help out) and Joey shows up dressed as
In the last scene, the three guys finally convince Ben to light
the Hanukkah candles. Walking into the situation, their friend
Rachel remarks, “It looks like the Easter Bunny’s funeral in
- Quotes from the Episode
it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for
the holidays this year.
All: Ohh! That's great!
Monica: Are you gonna dress up as Santa?
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I
think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas
skull and how people die.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about
Ross: Well, I
do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben,
you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Ross: Yep, and you know what other holiday is coming up?
Ben: Christmas eve.
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he
doesn’t.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah
is a Jewish holiday.
Ben: Santa has reindeers that can fly!
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a
celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were
these people called the Maccabees.
Ben: (singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells...
Ross: (interrupts him) Okay, that's right, yes, but on
Hanukkah, uh, we sing, uh (Sings) Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,
I made you out of clay.
Ben: (singing) Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer...
Ross: (interrupts him again) Okay, it's not a contest.
Ben: When is Santa coming?
Ross: Well, how about this year, instead of Santa, we have
fun celebrating Hanukkah?
Ben: No Santa? Was I bad?
Ross: No! Oh, no-no-no. Hey, you weren't bad, you've been
very good, Ben.
Ben: Santa's mad at me.
Ross: No, hey-hey, come on, (He grabs Ben and sits him on
his lap) Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're
his favorite little guy!
Ben: So Santa's coming?
Ross: (disappointed) Yes! Santa's coming!
Ross: Well, uh,
do you have a Santa-outfit left?
Salesman: Two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.
Ross: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I
promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um,
come on, I…uh, you gotta have something.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's,
Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an
Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ross: I'm the
holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here
to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: (to Monica) Santa was unavailable so close to
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted
coming all the way from…Texas.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all
the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to
give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up
the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume)
Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
[Monica picks up the bag, while Ross closes
the door and hits Monica with his tail. They walk into the
living room, and Monica empties the bag.]
Ross: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy
Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part-Jewish.
Ross: (gasps) You are? Me, too!
Monica: Because Armadillos also wandered in the desert?
Ross: (to Monica) You wanna wander in the hall? (to Ben)
Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about
the festival of lights?
Monica: Come on Ben.
[Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.]
Ross: Years and
years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are
you doing here, weird…turtle-man?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend.
You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ben: Did you bring me any presents, Santa?
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes
Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica)
Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so
damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho,
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more
presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in
the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
[They walk to the kitchen; everyone is
lowering their voices]
Chandler) What are you doing?
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having
trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy
Ross: Thank you, but, but you gotta leave.
Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about
Hanukkah, and, and you're-you’re wrecking it.
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl
full of jelly.
Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really
important to me.
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Ross: Okay Ben,
Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday…Armadillo?
(Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the
universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Ben: No! Why can't the Armadillo leave? I want Santa!
Ross: Fine, I-I give up. Santa, Santa can stay.
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear
about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn
Ben: Okay, Santa!
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he
mouths, "You’re welcome," back.)
Ross: All right,
it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there
were these people called the Maccabees.
[Joey enters in a Superman-costume]
Joey: (entering wearing a Superman costume) Merry
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa
(Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are
listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the
story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: …and the
miracle was that that little bit of oil that should’ve just
lasted just one day, burned for…
Ben: (answering him) Eight whole days.
Ross: That’s right, and that’s why we celebrate Hanukkah
today. The end.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew
all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey who’s nodding.)
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so
thrilled about that
part! Okay Ben, it’s time to light the Hanukkah candles!
(Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo
go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) Hey!
Rachel: (seeing the collection of characters.) Wow! It
looks like the Easter Bunny’s funeral in here.
Ross: Come on, come on, we’re-we’re-we’re lighting the
Phoebe: Oh. (They both go over to light the candles.)
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here,
but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunny’s funeral?
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