THE COMEDY SERIES
THE ALDRICH FAMILY/NBC/1949-53
[Voice of Mrs. Aldrich] "Henry!, Henry Aldrich!" [Henry resigns himself to his
mother's authority and respectfully responds] "Coming, Mother!"
THE AMOS 'N' ANDY SHOW/CBS/1951-53
[Narrator] "Out of the library of American folklore, those treasured stories
such as Huck Finn, Paul Bunyon and Rip Van Winkle-which have brought us laughter
and joy for generations-come the warm and lovable tales of Amos n' Andy;
presented by the Blatz Brewing Company, Wisconsin, on behalf of Blatz dealers
[Voice of Rue McClanahan as Ginger Nell Hollyhock] "March the Fourth, nineteen
and thirty-three. Mercy, what times these are. Nobody in this whole country has
enough money to buy dirt. Luckily though, we live here in Kansas City, Kansas,
where there is plenty of dirt for free. Just everything else we can't afford."
[Voices of Peter Scolari
as Henry and Tom Hank as Kip]
When we came to New York
we had a great apartment that was dirt cheap.
And we found out why it
was so cheap [wrecking ball breaks through walls of apartment building]
Our friend Amy said there
was a great apartment in her building. Dirt Cheap.
But it's a hotel for
women. OK! We made one adjustment.
Now these other ladies
know us as Buffy and Hildegarde.
But they also know us as
Kip and Henry, Buffy and Hildy's brothers. I'm crazy about the blonde.
This experience is going
to make a great book.
See it's all perfectly
[Theme Music: "My Life"
EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND/CBS/1996-2005
[Voice of Ray Romano] "Hi!, I'm Ray and I live here in Long Island with my wife
Deborah. She's great with the kids, the house, everything. Oh, I don't know how
she does it. We've got a daughter, Ally and twin two-year-old boys. It's not
really about the kids. My parents live across the street. Thaaat's right. And my
brother lives with them. Now, not every family would go by on a conveyor belt
for you [family goes by on a conveyer belt] but mine would because" (voice of
Brad Garrett) "E-e-e-verybody Loves Raymond." (voice of Ray) "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah."
[Voice of Annie Potts]: "When I arrived in Washington (D.C.) in 1942, I didn't
have a place to live. Then, quite by chance, I met Betty Crandall; she'd come
all the way from Iowa to help the war effort. Our cab driver, Frankie Millardo,
became our first friend in Washington and quite a life saver. He brought us to
Coolidge House, the place that turned out to be our new home. George and Irma
Coolidge were the landlords, and thanks to Loretta Smoot, one of the sweetest of
my new found friends, we were soon sharing her room in the attic...Oh, then
there was Camille Rittenhouse. She sweet talked Mr. Coolidge into letting her
stay in the attic, too...Coolidge House was crowded, but we all became good
friends and although there were hard times, there were plenty of good times,
[Narrator] "This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Everyday
he has to make all kinds of decisions like what to wear, whom to date and when
to panic. Now these decisions should be easy but if you take a look inside
Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind. [His
personalities introduced themselves]. I'm Herman's intellect Without me he
couldn't hold his job, pay his rent or tie his shoe laces. I'm Herman's
sensitivity. Without me he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love...the good
things in life. I'm Herman's anxiety and I keep him out of trouble and believe
me there's trouble everywhere. I'm Herman's lust. Without me he'd miss out on
all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, babes. [Narrator concludes] Sometimes
they agree...Ummm, usually they don't. But the struggle is going on inside all
of us and it's all going on inside Herman's head."
I REMEMBER MAMA (a.k.a. MAMA)/CBS/1949-57
[Each episode opened with
Rosemary Rice as the family's oldest child, Katrin looking at the family
photo album and thinking back over her childhood and the people she had
known so well].
"I remember the big white
house on Elm Street and my little sister, Dagmar and my big brother Nels,
and of course, Papa But most of all, I REMEMBER MAMA" [Alternate opening]
"This old album makes me remember so many things in the past. San
Francisco and the house on Stiner Street where I was born. It brings back
memories of my cousins, aunts, and uncles; all the boys and girls I grew
up with. And I remember my family as we were then. My brother Nels, my
little sister Dagmar, and of course, Papa. But most of all when I look
back to those days so long ago, most of all I REMEMBER MAMA."
LAVERNE & SHIRLEY/ABC/1976-83
[Penny Marshall as
Laverne DeFazio and Cindy Williams as Shirley Feeney hopscotch along
sidewalk and chant]
Schlamaazal Hassenpepper Incorporated."
LOVE THAT BOB (The Bob Cummings Show)/NBC/CBS/1955-59
[Photographer Bob Collins
(Bob Cummings) points a large camera with flash attachment at the TV
"Hold it!, I think you're
gonna like this picture." [Flash goes off]
[Picture develops in a
tray of photographic solution and slowly reveals the title of the program
LOVE THAT BOB].
MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE/FOX/2000-2006
[Voice of Frankie Muniz as Malcolm on the very first episode] "This is the
world. With a 196 million square miles. If I covered a hundred square miles and
hour, every hour for the rest of my life, I still wouldn't see half of it. This
is the left nostril of my brother, Reese. It squeaks...all...night...long. These
are the freezin' cold feet of my little brother, Dewey. This is my oldest
brother, Francis, He's the one I really like, So, of course, he got sent to
Military School. My name is Malcolm. You wanna know what the best thing about
childhood is. At some point it stops." [Theme song blares "Yes, no Baby, I don't
know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now...and you're
not so big...Life is unfair."]
THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS/CBS/1959-63
[In the earlier episodes,
Dwayne Hickman as Dobie Gillis sat and meditated in a park with his elbow
on his knee, chin resting on his fist, mirroring the statue of Rodin's
"The Thinker" which stood directly behind him. As the camera zoomed in
Dobie told the TV viewers what was on his mind. The following is the first
time he introduced himself to the viewers]
"My name is Dobie Gillis
and I like girls. What am I saying? I love girls! Love 'em! beautiful,
gorgeous, soft, round, creamy girls. Now, I'm not a wolf, mind you. No,
you see a wolf wants lots of girls, but me? Well, I just want one. One
beautiful, gorgeous, soft, round, creamy girl for my very own. That's all
I want! One lousy girl! But I'll tell you a sad, hard fact. I'm never
gonna get a girl. Never. Why? Because to get a girl you need money. And
standing between me and money is a powerful obstacle: a POWERFUL
[The scene shifted to the
frustrated face of Herbert T. Gillis, Dobie's father. His favorite
expression: "OOOOO, I gotta kill that boy!, I gotta kill him!"]
[Announcer] "A gay new comedy about the life and loves of a secretary in
Manhattan. It's time to MEET MILLIE."
MR. ADAMS AND EVE/CBS/1957-58
[Announcer] "This is Mr. Adams and Eve. They play movie stars who are husband
and wife. Starring Ida Lupino and Howard Duff; and in real life they are
actually husband and wife. It's Mr. Adams and Eve."
MY LITTLE MARGIE/CBS/1952-55
[The TV camera zoomed in
on photographs of Vernon Albright (Charles Farrell) and Margie Albright
(Gale Storm). Suddenly, the pictures come to life and each tell his/her
side of the story]
"I've been both mother
and father to her since she was born. She's grown up now. When she was a
little girl I could spank her and make her mind me, I had control over
her. When she disobeyed I took her roller skates away for a week. What can
you do when a girl reaches this age? She's completely out of hand. I've
got a problem. Believe me, I've got a problem."
"I've raised him from my
childhood. He's nearly fifty now and you'd think he'd settle down,
wouldn't you? Today, he looks better in shorts on a tennis court than
fellows twenty five. Girls wink at them and what's worse, he winks back at
them. I want a nice old comfortable father. I try to look after him, but
he just won't settle down. I've got a problem. Believe me, I've got a
MY TWO DADS/NBC/1987-90
[Voice of Staci Keanan] "This is me, Nicole Bradford. Cute, huh? This is my dad
and this is my dad. How did I get two dads? They inherited me. One dad who's
down to earth and one dad with his head in the clouds."
THE NEW GIDGET/SYN/1986-88
[On the very first episode Gidget (played by Caryn Richman) enters atop a surfboard carried by a
group of muscle beach types]
"Hi, I'm Gidget. Remember
me? America's original surfer girl. I wanted to make an entrance OK, so
maybe I over did it. Thanks guys. I've grown up. I mean I'm still short
but I'm married now...to Moon Doggie. I call him Jeff and we still spend a
lot of time at the beach. I own my own business and together we, Jeff and
I, are raising Danny my sisters daughter. My sister and her husband are in
Europe and well, that's a whole other story...this story's about
windsurfing and a day that didn't start off too great..." The beginning of
the original series GIDGET/ABC/1965-66 began with the theme song "If
you're in doubt about angels being real...Wait until you see my Gidget,
you'll want her for your valentine"
(Theme lyrics by Howard Greenfield)
NOTHING IN COMMON/NBC/1987
[Voice of Tom Hanks] "I'm David Basner, President of this advertising agency. I
think advertising is the only place for young people to get a real job in the
real world with a real salary. So, if you think you like advertising...Go for
it. If everything goes well by the time you're 35, you'll be burned out."
[Announcer] "There are eight million stories in the Naked City. Some are
violent, some sad, but one of them is just plain cuckoo. This is a modern fable
about two young people who make a bargain only to find out they were going to
get a lot more than they bargained for. We call our fable OCCASIONAL WIFE and it
stars Michael Callan and Patricia Harty."
THE ODD COUPLE/ABC/1970-75
[Announcer] "On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his
place of residence. That request came from his wife. Deep down he knew she was
right, but he also knew that someday he would return to her. With nowhere else
to go, he appeared at the home of his childhood friend, Oscar Madison. Sometime
earlier Madison's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he never return. Can
two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?"
ONE BIG FAMILY/SYN/1986-87
[Voice of Danny Thomas] "This is Seattle. Nice Place, Huh? I'm Jake Hatton. I
live here. I'm not the head of the house, that job belongs to my nephew, Don.
Don's a cop so he knows a little bit about keeping the peace. Oh, he could know
a little more, but he's a good kid. He tries. See, when Don's folks died, he and
his new wife-their just kids themselves-found they were up to their necks acting
as mother and father to Don's four brothers and sisters. Well, that's where I
came in...to lend a hand. And its working out great. All right, its working
[The program began with
definitions flashed on the screen]
a small egg laying mammal
that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.
an adult male human.
PLATYPUS MAN n:
an adult male human that
attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.
[Voice of Rhoda
Morgenstern (Valerie Harper) heard over an array of still photos and
stylized video art]
"My name is Rhoda
Morgenstern. I was born in the Bronx, New York in December of 1941. I've
always felt responsible for World War II. The first thing I remember
liking that liked me back was food. I had a bad puberty; it lasted
seventeen years. I'm a high school graduate. I went to art school. My
entrance exam was on a book of matches. I decided to move out of the house
when I was twenty-four. My mother still refers to this as the time I ran
away from home. Eventually, I ran to Minneapolis, where it's cold and I
figured I'd keep better. Now I'm back in Manhattan. [In a louder voice]
New York, this is your last chance!"
RUN, BUDDY, RUN/CBS/1966-67
[Narrator] "This is Buddy Overstreet. He's wanted by the head of the most
powerful crime syndicate in the country. In a steam room Buddy overheard their
vital secrets and the mysterious words 'Chicken Little.' Now he knows too much.
These are the orders given to all members of the syndicate from one end of the
country to the other-'Get him, get him, get him.' "
SECOND CITY TV/SYN/1977-80
[Announcer] "There were six people who loved to watch television, but they
didn't like what they saw. Armed with determination and a strong will to change
the course of television, they wrote their own shows, but that wasn't enough,
they had to sell them. They went straight to the networks, but the networks were
not ready for them. But did that stop them? No. They built their own network and
they liked what they saw."
[Voice of Cliff De Young] "That's me, Sam Haydn. My wife died a couple of years
ago so now there's just me and Jill, that's my little girl. What do I do? I wash
dishes, drive cabs, walk dogs, anything to make a buck. I've got a kid to raise,
right? Oh! I don't know, sometimes I think we're really raising each other.
Anyhow, my friends Weaver and Givits and me, we have this trio and I think we'll
really make it someday, but meanwhile Jill and I are hanging in there and it's
working out pretty good. Well most of the time."
YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU/SYN/1987-88
[Voice of Harry Morgan as Martin Vanderhof]: "That's my only daughter Penny, and
is she talented [she's an artist]. That's Penny's only husband, Paul. He invents
toys-and plays with them. Here's Alice their oldest daughter. She has a job."
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