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Balki-isms - Colorful and often misinterpreted phrases spoken by Balki Bartokomous (Bronson Pinchot), a naive immigrant from the Isle of Mypos who moved to Chicago to live with his Cousin Larry Appleton (Mark Linn-Baker) on the situation comedy PERFECT STRANGERS/ABC/1986-93.

Bronson Pinchot as Balki Bartokomous - PERFECT STRANGERS

Balki's favorite catchphrase was "Well, of course not, don't be ridiculous!" He also said:

  • "America - Land of the Free and Home of the Whopper"
  • "Cuzzin, are you going to have a nervous break dance?"
  • "Cuzzin', you didn't tell me we were fighting for life, puberty
    and the pursuit of happiness."
  • "Doctor do your duck impersonation. Cousin Larry says you
    are a real quack!"
  • "Hah-Wah-Ee-? Hah-Wha-Ee? Isn't that where the Japanese
    bombed Pearl Bailey?"
  • "Hello Mr. Elevator, May I call you Otis?"
  • "I don't know Cuzzin, I don't care much for Mexican food. It
    always gives me Monty Python's revenge" (he meant to say
    Montezuma's Revenge)
  • "I give, and give, and give, until I am blue in the head!"
  • "I'm in debt. I am a true American"
  • "If elected, I promise to be firm yet flexible, tough yet
    vulnerable, soft yet absorbent."
  • "If everyone knew how to herd sheep, there would be no one left to write poetry."
  • "Listen to the wisdom that made Mypos great--there are none so blind as those who will not hear."
  • "New York City: The Big Banana."
  • "Oh please, I want to ride the fire truck. It's been my dream
    since yesterday!"
  • "Paint me green and call me Gumby."
  • "Patience is a virgin."
  • "Raisin Poofs (Puffs) without raisins are like Snow White
    without her seven dorks."
  • "Stop it! This is a man of the loincloth!" (referring to a priest)
  • "That was the straw that broke Glen Campbell's back."
  • "That's where you're wrong, Mr. Pouting Thomas".
  • "To forgive is divine - to be an airhead is human."
  • "You stop this! Have you taken leave of your sinuses?"
  • "You've made your cake, now lie in it."
  • "We are lean cuisine, fighting machines."
  • "Well bang my bongos and call me Desi"
  • "Well feed me garlic and call me stinky."
  • "Well, rope my feet and call me Dodi!"
  • "Well rub my chest and call me Vicks"
  • "Well, throw acid rain on my parade!"
  • "Well toss my greens and call me Ceasar."
  • "Well you know what they say, a bird in the hand will keep
    pecking, and pecking, and pecking, until your hand starts
    to bleed."
  • "What if I lose my voice? What if I get a hog in my throat?"
  • "Wool chiggers, wool chiggers! I see them little babies and I
    get the hoobie jubbies!" (he means "the heebie jeebies")
  • "You are a dishonest person and I wash my face of you".

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