Balki-isms - Colorful and often incorrect phrases spoken by Balki Bartokomous (Bronson Pinchot), a naive immigrant from the Isle of Mypos who moved to Chicago to live with his Cousin Larry Appleton (Mark Linn-Baker) on the sitcom PERFECT STRANGERS/ABC/1986-93. Balki's favorite catchphrase was  "Well, of course not, don't be ridiculous!"  He also said:

• "America - Land of the Free and Home of the Whopper"

• "Cuzzin, are you going to have a nervous breakdance?"

• "Cuzzin', you didn't tell me we were fighting for life, puberty
   and the pursuit of happiness."

• "Doctor do your duck impersonation. Cousin Larry says you
   are a real quack!"

• "Hah-Wah-Ee-? Hah-Wha-Ee? Isn't that where the Japanese
   bombed Pearl Bailey?"

• "Hello Mr. Elevator, May I call you Otis?"

• "I don't know Cuzzin, I don't care much for Mexican food. It
   always gives me Monty Python's revenge" (he meant to say
   Montezuma's Revenge)

• "I give, and give, and give, until I am blue in the head!"

• "I'm in debt. I am a true American"

• "If elected, I promise to be firm yet flexible, tough yet
   vulnerable, soft yet absorbent."

• "If everyone knew how to herd sheep, there would be no one left to write poetry."

• "Listen to the wisdom that made Mypos great--there are none so blind as those who will not hear."

• "New York City: The Big Banana."

• "Oh please, I want to ride the fire truck. It's been my dream
   since yesterday!"

• "Paint me green and call me Gumby."

• "Patience is a virgin."

• "Raisin Poofs (Puffs) without raisins are like Snow White
   without her seven dorks."

• "Stop it! This is a man of the loincloth!" (referring to a priest)

• "That was the straw that broke Glen Campbell's back."

• "That's where you're wrong, Mr. Pouting Thomas".

• "To forgive is divine - to be an airhead is human."

• "You stop this! Have you taken leave of your sinuses?"

• "You've made your cake, now lie in it."

• "We are lean cuisine, fighting machines."

• "Well bang my bongos and call me Desi"

• "Well feed me garlic and call me stinky."

• "Well, rope my feet and call me Dodi!"

• "Well rub my chest and call me Vicks"

• "Well, throw acid rain on my parade!"

• "Well toss my greens and call me Ceasar."

• "Well you know what they say, a bird in the hand will keep
   pecking, and pecking, and pecking, until your hand starts
   to bleed."

• "What if I lose my voice? What if I get a hog in my throat?"

• "Wool chiggers, wool chiggers! I see them little babies and I
   get the hoobie jubbies!" (he means "the heebie jeebies")

• "You are a dishonest person and I wash my face of you".