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Songs & Lyrics
"Smelly Cat" - One of many off-beat folk songs written by Phoebe "Pheebs" Buffay (Lisa Kudrow), a former teenage runaway turned left-handed masseuse for Healing Hand, Inc.

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe Buffay - Photo courtesy of NBC

Phoebe’s favorite hangout is the Central Perk, a local coffee bar where she plays guitar and sings very unique lyrics like "Smelly cat, Smelly cat, What are they feeding you?" [it became a hit record]. Terry, the Perks’ owner once critiqued Phoebe’s singing by saying "It’s not that your friend sings bad...it’s that she sings so bad that she makes me want to gouge my ears out and reach in and swirl my fingers inside my brain."


Smelly Cat
Written by Phoebe Buffay

(Chorus)
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault

They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses

(Repeat Chorus)

 Listen to "Smelly Cat" (Real Audio)


Other Phoebe Song Lyrics & Song Fragments

Babies -- Episode "TOW the Birth"
  They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
And you cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry...
Barnyard Animals -- Episode "TOA The Superbowl"
  Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo"
Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo"
Then the farmer hits him on the head
and grinds him up
And that's how we get hamburgers.
No-w-w-w-w-w chickens!
Bi-sexuals -- Episode "TOA The Superbowl"
  Sometimes men love women
And sometimes men love men
Then there are bi-sexuals
Though some just say they're kidding themselves
La-la-la-la-la-la...
Blackout -- Episode "TOW The Blackout"

 
New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me that is not scary
Cause I stay away from dairy
La-la-la-la-la-la...
Crazy Underwear -- Episode "Ross' Thing"
  Crazy underwear creeping up my butt
Crazy underwear always in a rut
Crazy underwear...
Cremated Mother -- Episode "TOW The Monkey"
  And my mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jaaaaaaar
Crusty Old Man -- Episode "TOW Dr. Ramoray Dies"
And the crusty old man said "I'll do what I can"
And the rest of the rats played maracas
Don't -- Episode "TOA The Superbowl"
There'll be times when you get older
And you'll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But DON'T
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do
That's another thing that you don't wanna do
Double Jointed Boy -- Episode "TOW Baby on the Bus"
He was a double, double, double-jointed boy
Dumb Drunken Bitch -- Episode "TOW The Cat"
...dumb drunken bitch!!
Grandma -- Episode "TOA The Superbowl"
  Now grandma's a person who everyone likes
She brought you a train and a bright shiny bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her
she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said
she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
La-la-la-la-la...
Holiday Song -- Episode "TOW The Girl from Poughkeepsie"
  Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet
so don't try to sing along
No don't sing along
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!
In the Shower -- Episode "TOW Baby on the Bus"
  I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And tegrin spelled backward is nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
(pause)
As needed!
Jingle Bitch -- Episode "TOW Phoebe's Ex-Partner"
  Jingle bitch screwed me over
Go to hell jingle whore
Go to hell, go to hell, go to h-h-hell
Little Fetus -- Episode "The Embryos"
  Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will buy you some Adidas
My Coma Guy -- Episode "TOW Mrs. Bing"
  You don't have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves
I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have go to say...
My Sticky Shoe -- Episode "TOW Joey's New Girlfriend"
My sticky shoe
My sticky, sticky shoe
Why you stick on me, ba-a-bay?
Papier maché -- Episode "TOW Joey's New Girlfriend"
I, I'm still waiting for my papier maché man
Parading Goats -- Episode "TOW Joey's New Girlfriend"
Parading goats are parading,
Parading down the street.
Parading goats are parading,
Leaving little treats.
66 Colors of my Bedroom -- Episode "TOW The Jellyfish"
...fuschia and mauve
Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom
Snowman -- Episode "TOW The Monkey"
  I made a man with eyes of coal
and a smile so bewitching
How was I supposed to know that
my mom was dead in the kitchen
La-la-la-la-la-la-la...
Smelly Cat -- Episode "TOW The Baby on the Bus" also sung on "TOW Eddie Moves In"
  (Chorus)
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault

They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses

(Repeat Chorus)
Sticky Shoes -- Episode "TOW Phoebe's Ex-Partner"
My favorite shoes so good to me
I wear them everyday
Down at the heel, holes in the toe
Don't care what people say
My feet's best friend, pals to the end
With them I'm one hot chicky
Though late one night
Not much light
I stepped in something icky

(Chorus)
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes
Always makes me smile
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes
Next time I'll avoid the pile
Stephanie --Episode "TOW The Baby on the Bus"
Stephanie knows all the chords!
Terry's a Jerk -- Episode "TOW The Baby on the Bus"
  Terry's a jerk!
And he won't let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
(time passes by)
And you're all invited to bite me!
They found their bodies -- Episode "TOW the Birth"
  And they found their bodies the very next day
They found their bodies the very next day...
Tony Tarzan -- Episode "TOW Chandler Crosses the Line"
  Little Tony Tarzan
Swinging on an nose hair
Swinging with the greatest of ease...
Two of Them Kissed Last Night -- Episode "TOW The List"
  There was a girl we'll call her Betty
And a guy let's call him Neil
Now I can't stress this point too strongly
This story isn't real.
(time passes by)
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly
Or will it be the one who we'll call L-L-Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide
Even though I made him up he must decide
When I Play -- Episode "TOW The Baby on the Bus"
  When I play I play for me
I don't need your charity!

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