"Cover Story"   

TV Towns & Your Personality -- by Jerome A. Holst

A lot of our recreational hours are spent watching television. A recent study, sponsored by TV Acres and conducted by the prestigious firm of Dewey, Cheatum and How, investigated the connection between TV Towns and the personality of the viewers. The survey showed an actual correlation between the TV Towns we watch and our own personality. The survey revealed that deep down inside we are drawn to a particular TV town because it manifests elements of your own psychological makeup. 

For your edification, we have listed the top TV towns tallied from the survey as well as the personal profiles that we deduced from the study. Take a look and see if the results below match your own personality.

What does choosing a certain TV town reveal about yourself? Read On.

Mayberry - You are a laid back type. You enjoy a quiet life. Sunday morning is your favorite time of the week. You like to sit on the front porch, and gently talk about the neighborhood and its residents. You prefer a good home-cooked meal to fast food. You are loyal and devoted to friends despite their flaws. Church and community are high on your lists of life's duties.

Twin Peaks - You are kinky. You prefer the dark of night to the sunshine. You enjoy eating cherry pie and drinking hot black coffee "dark as midnight." You like to visit strange and unusual night spots. You are teased by danger and take too many chances. You are compulsive note taker and record all your thoughts into a small hand-held recorder for future reference. sdarwkcab gnikeaps elpoep raeh semitemos uoY.

Eerie, Illinois - You are a skeptic. You distrust the "Establishment." You are curious about how things work and why they work. You don't believe that Elvis is dead. But you like to tell the story about the time you and your friend Bubba saw a UFO flying over the lake while cranking back a six-pack. You are fearful of door-to-door salesmen.

South Park - You are a crude, lewd dude. You like to break rules and wind. You are slow on the uptake and are not reliable. Your friends should not put their trust in you and woe to those who do. You hate the cold and overcompensate by wearing multiple layers of clothing. Speaking is not your forte and so you speak fast and mumble your words to get a conversation over with as soon as possible.

New Rochelle - You are a romantic. You have a good sense of humor. You believe that home life isn't home life without the love of a good woman and the smiling face of a little child. You are sometimes shortsighted and often fall over small pieces of furniture in your path. Your ego sometimes gets in the way, but in the end you know that your wife is always right.

Los Angeles - You are a lothario. You love to watch the babes. You prefer a day at the beach and a night on the town. You buy cars with big engines to compensate for your inadequate sexual prowess. You spend to much time with hairstylists. Your people skills get you through the day but at night you feel lonely and disconnected even in a crowd. 

New York City - You like the busy hustle and bustle of every day life in the big city. You consume massive cups of coffee with friends at local coffee bars. You don't take crap from anyone. You're a mover and shaker but you have your vulnerable side and need to know that someone loves you despite your big ass ego.

Miami Beach - You live on the wild side. You like to wear colorful clothing. A day at sea is preferred to life on the land. The exotic is in your blood. You enjoy a romantic stroll on a moonlit beach. But action is in your veins. You love to drive fast cars and solve people's problems. Let's face it, you're cool and you want everyone to know it.

Mayfield - You are immature. You are gullible. You make lots of mistakes and are always getting into trouble. You need a strong paternal and maternal presence to keep your life in order. You are easily swayed by your friends and often do things you know that you should not. You have issues with sibling rivalry.

Springfield - You are an idiot. You are lucky to be alive. If not for the love of others you would have been killed years ago. You are over indulgent, especially with food and alcoholic beverages. You have issues with children. You sometimes try to strangle them to resolve your problems. Relatives are low on you list of priorities and if possible, you'd never visit them or let them visit you.

Stuckeyville - You are a casual dresser. Your idea of a night on the town is to go to the local bowling alley, knock down some pins and knock back some brews. You are a sentimentalist. You tend to keep your mind in the past and wonder "what if" instead of looking to  the future. But you have a lion's heart and though ill advised, at times you rush head forward into trouble. Luckily, you have talents that get you through the bad times, but through those times you still worry about what the next moment will bring. 


So how close did the survey come to revealing the real you? Did it hit the nail right on the head or was it way off base? Oh well, it's only a survey. What does a statistical "norm" mean anyway.