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TV Acres Newsletter

Religion, God and the Devil

     Any conversation that includes topics on religion, God or the Devil are potentially inflammatory. So, let's see what our favorite TV shows and characters have to say on the subject. 


"Now, no prejudice intended, but I always check with the Bible on these here things. I think that, I mean if God had meant for us to be together he'd a put us together. But look what he done. He put you over in Africa, and put the rest of us in all the white countries." -- Archie Bunker, All in the Family 


"Please, Ezekiel. My job's not to decide who lives and dies. My business is with the soul. And I have never damned a soul who didn't thoroughly deserve it. Mother Nature is a completely different story. She kills indiscriminately, good and evil alike. Why she gets all the good press, I'll never know." -- The Devil, Brimstone


"So, we're having a new baby. The gods are on a roll, aren't they? Must've been playing another round of "Can you top this?" One started off, "We'll make him a shoe salesman." Then another said, "We'll give him a red-head." Then another one, probably a cruel, hung over god, said, "But let's have him be a mighty athlete in high school first so his fall will be all the greater." -- Al Bundy: Married with Children


"Lyndon! P.J.! Stop it! I'm warning you! If you misbehave in church, Jesus won't love you anymore! [to her sisters-in-law] Please don't tell anyone I said that."  -- Vivian, Five Mrs. Buchanans


"The Devil and I have a deal: I get them until they're 12, he gets them until they're 20." -- God, God, the Devil and Bob


"Marie! Don't pray in front of the TV! That's Satan's altar!" -- Elizabeth Lubbock, Just the Ten of Us


"God doesn't move us by telling us the facts. He moves us by pains and contradictions. He's given me a lack of understanding: not answers, but questions. An invitation to marvel." -- Alex Ventoux, Millennium


"Good evening. Here is the news on Friday, the 27th of Geldof. Archeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon-dated in Bonne. If genuine, it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read, "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental." The page has been universally condemned by church leaders. " -- Newsreader, Red Dwarf


"This so-called "new religion" is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate!" -- Reverend Lovejoy, The Simpsons


"I am, in my own way. I've seen a lot of evil. Here, all over the world. The horror of war, injustice. If I have a religion, I guess my religion is my belief in the inherent good of all people ...and having faith in that belief. Sometimes it takes all the strength that I have." -- Ray, Stingray


"Excuse me, God. Why did you make all women strange? And some stranger than others? And some stranger than those? And finally, with all the really strange bits that you had left over, why did you use them to make the women in my life? Eh? Tell me. I need an answer. A postcard will do." -- Geoffrey Ballard, Waiting for God



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